La Vie En Robe

Hello, New York!

(Reprinted from the Big Hair & Plastic Grass blog.)

Well, I'm not quite there yet — but I'll be there in spirit tonight (and in disembodied voice) around 10:30 pm EST, when I'll be interviewed live on Mike Silva's "NY Baseball" radio show on 1240 AM WGBB outta Long Island. I rapped with Mike about two years ago, and we had a great chat, so I'm really looking forward to it. Tune in, turn on, and get down — Billy Baldwin and his massive 'fro would want it that way.

Tonight's interview should be a nice warm-up for the NYC Big Hair & Plastic Grass paperback release party on Tuesday night, which will be going down on from 6:30 pm to 9 pm at Manitoba's Bar in the East Village, and will be hosted by the legendary Handsome Dick Manitoba himself. I will be signing paperback copies of the book (which will be on sale at the bar) and reading some choice bits from it. Join us for tales of baseball weirdness, hot dogs, peanuts, crackerjacks, liquid refreshments and good times...

And speaking of tales of baseball weirdness, today is the 37th anniversary of the night that army cannons blew holes in the outfield wall at Shea Stadium. You can read about the incident in greater detail HERE, or you can let Walter Cronkite give you the basic lowdown, below...

The Season So Far...

Tthe first two months of the 2012 baseball season are currently up for discussion in this week's "High and Tight," the weekly rock n' roll baseball column I pen for Rolling Stone. Our esteemed panel — which now includes Vinnie Paul of Pantera/Hellyeah fame — weighs in on the year's biggest surprises and disappointments. And believe me, speaking as a Cubs and Tigers fan, there have been many...

Not that I'm remotely surprised by the Cubs' overall performance; at this point, Theo Epstein and Dale Sveum seem to be the only ones caught off guard by the unrelenting suckitude. Before the season started, I told my girlfriend that I thought the Cubs had a chance to win the NL Central... so long as all the players on all the rest of the teams in the division died. And even I'm not a hardcore-enough Cubs fan to hope for that outcome...

So let's flash back to a happier time in the Friendly Confines, eh? Dig this great minute-and-a-half of silent 8mm home movie footage taken before a Cubs home game against the Mets in 1971; considering that you can catch a glimpse of Tom Seaver warming up, I'm gonna guess that it's from July 22. Great sideburns abound, most notably those of Joe Pepitone, who can be spotted engaging in deep conversation with Jesse Jackson — probably about the best places in Chicago to pick up chicks.

The Green Monster (And Other Walls)

Okay, so this isn't actually Fenway Park's "Green Monster," but since a cursory Google search didn't turn up a decent shot of the fabled wall in its 70s splendor, I decided to go with Lou Ferrigno in his star turn as the Incredible Hulk — another green monster I was quite intrigued by in those days.

Anyway, the Green Monster comes to mind because this week's "High and Tight" — the weekly baseball column I write for Rolling Stone Online — deals with outfield walls and ballpark dimensions, which have become a hot subject of debate in recent years. Five out of the 13 ballparks that have opened since 2000 have undergone some sort of alteration to the height or distance of their outfield walls, and now fans and players alike are bemoaning the hitter-unfriendliness of the new Marlins Park. So this week, I ask my esteemed panel of rock n' roll seamheads (including Scott Ian, Steve Earle, Ben Gibbard, Handsome Dick Manitoba, Tom Morello and the Baseball Project dudes): Should all ballparks be made hitter-friendly, or more uniform? Or should each park have a different layout — and maybe some different quirks to go with it? Click HERE to find out what they have say...

In other news, the paperback edition of Big Hair & Plastic Grass is still coming out on June 5, and will still make an excellent Father's Day gift, hint hint. And if you're gonna be in NYC on Tuesday, June 12, don't forget to swing by my paperback-release celebration at Manitoba's Bar in the East Village. The shindig (which, not entirely coincidentally, takes place on the 42nd anniversary of Dock Ellis' LSD-assisted no-hitter) will run from 6:30-9 pm. I will be reading from the book and signing copies (Booked By Harriet will be selling copies at the bar), and the legendary Handsome Dick Manitoba himself will be MC-ing and hosting the proceedings. While I can't promise that I will be tripping on acid, I can guarantee a good time for all, including 70s jams (courtesy of DJ Mr. Tim), "dirty water dogs," peanuts, crackerjacks, popcorn, and of course liquid refreshments. (The latter of which you'll haveta pay for, but hey — this ain't some expensive yuppie joint!)

The event itself is FREE, so long as you're of legal drinking age and can prove it accordingly. Come on out and let's celebrate the funky glories of 70s baseball... or Hulk will smash!

Best Baseball Film Of All Time?

For me, that would have to be 1976's The Bad News Bears — and I explain why in the latest edition of High and Tight, my weekly baseball column for Rolling Stone Online. Our esteemed rock n' roll panelists — now including George Thorogood and ALICE FRIGGIN' COOPER!!! — come up with some interesting choices of their own, ranging from Eight Men Out (which I clearly need to give another viewing, though the "Say it ain't so, Joe" newsie bit made me want to hurl my mitt at the screen) to such old-school faves as The Pride of the Yankees, It Happens Every Spring and Fear Strikes Out. Check it out!

Farewell, Levon

With the news breaking that Levon Helm may not be long for this world, this afternoon kinda came to a screeching halt for me. The Band's music has been a presence in my life since childhood; and while I would in time come to appreciate the brilliance and beauty of Richard Manuel's and Rick Danko's vocals, it was Levon's voice that I responded to first, and which really summed up the magic of The Band to me from the get-go. The guys might have all looked like Civil War vets in a Matthew Brady photo, but Levon was the only Band member who actually SOUNDED like one. Throw in an idiosyncratic-but-authoritative drumming style, and the ability to totally get down on mandolin and guitar, and you had pretty much the real-deal complete bad-ass package.

I'm so sad that I never got to see one of his Midnight Rambles; I never did get to see Levon perform live, in fact. But I've watched The Last Waltz countless times, as well as the great Band footage of Festival Express, and absorbed as many other clips of him in action as I've been able to dig up on YouTube over the years. (As bitter as it is in some parts — notably the sections pertaining to Robbie Robertson — his autobiography This Wheel's On Fire is still a must-read for any Band fan.) The four-song clip below, from Pittsburgh's Syria Mosque in late 1970, is new to me, but it's another beautiful example of Levon doing his thing, especially on such signature numbers as "The Weight" and "Up On Cripple Creek".

We never met, Levon, but I thank you for filling my life with your wonderful music, and wish you a peaceful and painless journey into the next world. I (and a whole lot of other folks) may not be ready to let you go yet; but if it is indeed time, you can go with the knowledge that you brought considerable joy to a whole lotta people in this lifetime...

Commish For A Day

This is Bowie Kuhn, Commissioner of Baseball from 1969 to 1984. He was kind of a tool, though to be fair he was woefully unprepared for the changes (social and otherwise) that shook the sport during the 1970s. And at least he wasn't a total puppet of the owners, a la Bud Selig...

Which brings us to the second installment of "High and Tight," the new weekly baseball column I'm doing for Rolling Stone Online. This time out, I consider the current (ineffectual) state of the Commissioner's Office, and ask our panel of rockers the burning question, "What are up to three things YOU would change about baseball if you were Commish for a day?" Read their answers HERE.

In other news, a tip of the Monsanto Toupee goes out to Trevor Seigler, who made a nice mention of Big Hair and Plastic Grass (which comes out this June in paperback, btw) in his Paste Magazine look back at Jim Bouton's Ball Four. Any time your work is mentioned positively in the same breath as one of the greatest baseball memoirs of all time, you've just gotta say, in the immortal words of Seattle Pilots manager Joe Schultz, "Aw, Shitfuck!" Now to go pound some celebratory Budweiser...

High And Tight: Rolling Stone's New Rock N' Roll Baseball Column

Just wanted to hip you all to the fact that I'll be penning a weekly rock n' roll baseball column for Rolling Stone Online, called "High and Tight" — which will also feature such musically-inclined seamheads as Anthrax's Scott Ian, The Baseball Project's Steve Wynn and Scott McCaughey, Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine and the great Handsome Dick Manitoba weighing in on a new topic of discussion each week.

Check out the inaugural installment of "High and Tight" — in which we reflect on our favorite Opening Day memories — right here. More entertaining than game of whist with Bud Selig, or your money back!

Let's Get Weird

Looking for some memorably weird viewing this weekend? Why not watch Mac and Me, an unforgettably atrocious 1988 E.T. knock-off that tries to come off as a heartwarming children's flick, but never quite manages to find the right balance of oppressive cuteness, manipulative pathos, and sheer banality. Oh, and did I mention the choreographed breakdancing sequence set in a suburban L.A. McDonald's, featuring no less than Ronald McDonald himself? Seriously. See for yourself if you don't believe me...

Mac and Me (which is currently on Netflix streaming) was my choice for TCM's Movie Morlocks blog round-up of "The Strangest Movies Ever Made". A big thanks to my buddy (and fellow freaky film freak) Paul Gaita for asking me to be part of the panel, which includes such luminaries as Drew Friedman, Howie Pyro and THE Arch Hall Jr, all of whom offer up some pretty twisted suggestions of their own. Read the whole damn thing HERE...

A Song For While He's Away

Can't let St. Patrick's Day go by without thinking of Phil Lynott and Thin Lizzy, one of my all-time favorite rock bands. VH-1's "Behind The Music" episode on the band has rarely been shown since its original broadcast; in fact, I'd never seen it until I stumbled across this commercial-free complete version on YouTube tonight. The show won't tell diehard Lizzy fans much they don't already know, but it does an excellent job of painting Phil for the complex, unique and multi-talented individual he was, and is certainly a worthy tribute to a band that never got its due on this side of the pond. Check it out...

Tom Jones Vs. Sammy Davis, Jr: The Ides Of March Horn Rock Showdown

I grow increasingly  fascinated with the late 60s/early 70s genre of "Horn Rock" with each passing year. On the one hand, it took legitimate musical skill — the sort of jazz chops we rarely see in popular music these days — to pull Horn Rock off; on the other, it was undeniably cheesy as fuck, the sort of sound tailor-made for variety shows and high school marching bands looking to add a bit of "now" to their musical programming.

The postive aspect of that putative downside, however, is that Horn Rock was also tailor-made for such variety show denizens as Tom Jones and Sammy Davis, Jr., guys who clearly relished the chance to strut their stuff (vocal and otherwise) against the gonad-grabbing vibrations of a live horn section. Both ToJo and Sammola were born to sing Horn Rock; and since today is "the Ides of March," let's pit them mano-a-mano on competing versions of The Ides of March's "Vehicle," perhaps the quintessential Horn Rock hit. Yes, that's right — we've got a Horn Rock Battle Royale on our hands. Who will be the winner?

The Pontypridd Powerpack wins the toss, and elects to go first:

And now it's Sammy's turn to do HIS thing:

And the verdict is...

Great God in Heaven I love 'em both, but even with the superbly testosterrific performance from ToJo (which is also abetted by a killer Big Jim Sullivan guitar solo), I've gotta give the crown to Sammy for his masterful command of the band, his killer soul scream at the end, and that unexpected "lemme lay it on you one more time" key change at the 1:14 mark, thrown in just to let you know he can indeed "take you anywhere you wanna go". And that, peoples, is how a consummate entertainer rolls...

(Now, if I could only find a clip of Gary Puckett doing this song...)